The Cullens on Work Experience
by VB4ECULLEN
Summary: The Cullens are given a school assignment, work experience for a week. How will Carlisle react? And who is able to annoy the hell out of all of them? Will they do battle? Read this story and answer all these questions and more!
1. Tartan Shoelaces

**Authors Notes**

_Please review, this is my first fanfiction and you would want the same done you._

**Disclaimer**

_Stephenie Meyer is owner of all things wonderful about Twilight._

* * *

It seemed like an ordinary Friday morning at school as I pulled up with a vampire God sitting next to me. Everyone was either milling about chatting or lounging about on car bonnets flirting. Some were even in their cars sharing a 'moment' inside there cars, need names be mentioned, Edwards precious siblings.

As I lounged in the comfy seat of Edward's Volvo, enjoying a peaceful few seconds before we would have to begin another day of school, I felt Edward tense in the seat next to me.

As I glanced at him, all he said was "Alice has had a vision", so much for being informative then. Before I could even contemplate quizzing him further, he did that irresistible secret smile of his which I found dazzling so all attempts of pursuing the clipped comment were gone.

After registration, all seniors were sent to the Gym. Here we were all seated; Edward wanted to talk to Alice which meant I was left sitting next to Rosalie. She stared at me with such contempt that I felt the sudden need for reassurance so held Edwards hand, which of course she and Emmett found hilarious when our fingertips touched and my heartbeat rocketed.

Somehow I think Jasper had something to do with this, due to the sudden interest in his tartan shoelaces a second after the need for reassurance (they matched his tie and knowing Alice they were probably something like Hugo Boss)

Although Edward also found it funny he glared at his siblings in such a defiant look that they all looked ashamed so feeling very proud of my big, brave boyfriend I snuggled up to his shoulder despite feeling the silent laughter which rolled off Emmett and shook the row of chairs, almost knocking us over.

The strange man turned out to be some big guy from the Department of Education. He started on about some work experience thing which apparently is compulsory in England and I sort of tuned out knowing Edward would help me on the assignment later if I got stuck and anyway why do work experience if I am not going to work but spend the rest of eternity with my darling vampire boyfriend?

I was about to voice my opinions to Edward when the Headmaster started talking, I quite like him despite the obscenities Edward has apparently seen in his head.

The Headmaster told us that we were all going to participate in work experience. "Yay" said a sarcastic voice in my head. "More opportunities to fall over in the company of strangers."

We were allowed to choose our jobs but the school board would have veto power over everyone's choices, so if they found it unsuitable or impractical we would be made to be a secretary for a week or something.

We had until 3 o'clock that Friday to hand in our forms with the signature of our parent or guardian to certify that they agreed with whatever dangerous or incredibly exciting job we wanted to do. "Yeah because there is a lot of danger and excitement in Forks." I mumbled sarcastically. Emmett snorted, "Stupid vampire hearing" I growled which was greeted by a "You've got it babe" from Emmett who then received a slap from both Rosalie and Edward so it was sort of worth it, just to see his expression of faking pain. (He looked like a constipated chicken, before you ask)

As we were dismissed I was fantasising more over what Edward and I could do in the 4 hours we had until we were due back to school rather than the actual hand in task (choosing a job)

As we exited the Gym, Alice came bounding over to us. "I have decided what I want to do" she told us in breathless excitement. (I mean how can a vampire even have breathless excitement?)

"What Alice?" Edward asked in a weary voice even though he knew full well what she was thinking.

"I have decided to be a personal shopper and sort out some of Forks' townspeople's fashion disasters."

"That's a great idea Alice" I enthused, knowing that I may be subjected to the same fate if I was left undecided.

"What about Jasper though?" I asked, bearing in mind that she and him cannot bear to be separated for prolonged periods of time.

"He's going to be a security guard, so we will see each other of course" she said like it was the most obvious thing in the world (To a vampire possibly but not to the little human.)

As Alice turned away to question Emmett and Rosalie about what they were thinking about doing, knowing I hadn't made my decision yet, Edward turned to me. "What do you fancy doing dear?" He questioned in his silky smooth tone of voice.

"I am undecided" I replied gazing into his face with loving adoration "can we go to your house to decide? I can always meet up with Charlie later to get him to sign it"

"Ok let's go" and he swept me up into his arms and carried me to the Volvo much to the envy of all the girls around us. As I leaned forwards to kiss him on the lips we were interrupted by a piercing screech.

"Bella that is the best idea ever, meet you at our place in five minutes to discuss it" Alice yelled.

"Sure" I said, nodding dumbly, but what an earth was my idea going to be?

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**End Notes**

_I can only post another chapter if I know people like it so review please!_


	2. Hamlet in Russian

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Author Notes

_Thank you to all of those who reviewed and added me to story alert. Thank you especially to Leon McFrenchington. Another chapter soon!_

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As we careered down the driveway towards his house I asked for what must have been the fifty millionth time "what's my idea"

"Oh for God sakes Bella I don't actually know, Alice is reciting the whole of William Shakespeare's 'Hamlet' in Russian"

"But you said..."

"Ssshh Bella, you know how much I love you but I really have to go hunt and you are not making it any easier by bombarding me with repetitive questions"

"Sorry Edward" I replied meekly, knowing he had forgiven me when he released his nose bridge and gave a weak smile.

I knew he was overdue for hunting as he had been quite tetchy this morning and I vowed to make him go tonight after our 4 hours of togetherness in a break from school.

As we walked through the front door of the Cullen's mansion, Esme breezed up to us holding a phone with number already dialled. "Can you call your Father please Bella and make arrangements for when to meet him. I would have done it myself seeming as though Alice knows when your meeting but I thought it would be a bit weird for him to pick up the phone to the greeting of Bella needs you to sign something, meet her in the cafe on the corner at half past two.

"Yes" I agreed "I suppose you're right"

As I held the phone up to my ear, listening for the dialling tone, I saw Edward whisper something to Esme at vampire speed and her nod in a worried mother like way. I assumed it was about hunting and tried to concentrate as the desk sergeant put me through to Charlie.

"Hi Bella love, what's up? Shouldn't you be at school?"

"I'm fine Dad, not at hospital or anything before you ask!"

"What can I do for you then Honey?"

"Well we have an assignment for school where we do work experience for a week and you need to sign my form to authorise that what you think I am doing is acceptable"

"What are you planning on doing?" asked Charlie in a weary, distracted voice.

Realizing my Dad was not completely and totally with it I told him I wasn't sure and to meet me in the cafe on the corner at half past two.

He agreed straight away, glad that I would not be going to his work area and meeting his colleagues again (after what happened last time!)

As I set the phone down on the cradle on the hall table I heard Alice bound in followed by 2 less excited footsteps which I presumed were Emmett and Rosalie but they were moving so fast I found it hard to distinguish.

As I walked into the sitting room all the Cullens, bar Carlisle who was at work and Edward who had his arm around me, were sitting on the couch looking up at me expectantly.

As I flopped, not elegantly or gracefully sat down more flopped, I tried to pretend that everyone was not expecting great things from me. I heard Edward mutter beside me "stupid Japanese rocket blue prints" which I can only assume came from Alice's thoughts.

"So" said Esme who had obviously realised the awkwardness of the situation and being the mothering type that she is had tried to subtly steal the conversation and expectant looks elsewhere. "What are you planning on doing Em and Rose?"

Rosalie thought about it for a moment which I can only guess was because she was trying to pick suitable from unsuitable due to the grimace on Edwards face.

"Well" she said, her perfect face hardly moving, "Emmett here wanted to be a sex therapist"

I heard Jasper stifle a giggle at that which was quickly followed by a look of daggers from Rosalie.

"After immediately dismissing the idea it came apparent later that he thought you had to do demonstrations!" She flashed her very embarrassed husband a flirty look which said it all.

Jasper coughed self consciously, he was very apparent to the emotions in the room.

Once again Esme tried to move the conversation on. "So what have you decided on doing then? I take it you are not convinced with being a sex therapist now Emmett?"

"ooooooooooooooooooh" squealed Alice. "She's about to tell us!"

Edward obviously sensing my discomfort moved towards me about to chaperone me upstairs, but as he did so a flash of inspiration came through to me.

It obviously showed on my face because I had 5 vampire faces looking up at me and 1 looking down on me.

"I thought that..."

A look of shock and horror came over my darling Edwards face; Alice had obviously just let him into her vision of us.

"I thought that" I began again "that we could get Carlisle back for patronising you by working at the hospital..."

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**End Notes**

_Please review!_


	3. Who knew Emmett could pout?

**Author's notes**

_Thank you for reading this, it will be much better in Chapter 4! Please review!_

**Disclaimer**

_Stephenie Meyer owns everything wonderful about twilight_

* * *

As soon as the words were out of my mouth I regretted it, 5 vampires were staring at me with masks of horror plastered on their usually composed faces. I opened my mouth to make amendments but Alice held up her hand to stop me. "I will explain when they are in a good, not barely, conscious state of mind" she told me.

I am not completely sure what she meant seen as vampires cannot faint but then again Alice always knows best so I shut my mouth.

Jasper was the first to recover from the vampire shock and stared at me, eyes wide open. "We can't work at a hospital Bella. We don't have the same self control as Carlisle does." He said, in an almost upset at the human's stupidity way.

I just stared back hoping that he would read from my emotions that it was Alice who was rocking the boat, not me. He nodded and stepped back as Edward, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett came to.

Edward was obviously not aware of mine and Japers exchange so looked at me with an expression of disbelief. Before I could comfort him, Alice started talking.

"Its ok guys, Carlisle will be very shocked when we turn up but will assign us to places where no blood will feature whilst we are there."

6 sceptical eyes looked her way including mine. "You don't honestly think I would even allow it for a second if there was any chance of us mucking up, do you?" she stated and looked at us each in turn with her puppy eyes.

Only Esme remained unconvinced. "Won't the temptation be too much for you all though?"

"Mom" Alice started; knowing Esme loved it when she called her that. "We WILL be fine"

"As long as everyone is positive I am willing to sign your forms. Don't tell your father though. It is time that he is surprised for once in his life!"

She laughed in a mock evil genius way, which she could actually pull off rather well I thought, as she held up her hands and Alice thrust all 5 of their forms at her.

Edward and I spent the rest of the day in his room listening to music and doing my homework, not once did we mention work experience until it neared half past two.

"Come on, you don't want to be late do you?" he asked.

I answered by shaking my head and with that he lifted me with his super human strength and we (he) ran down to the door to be greeted by Esme with a near stern expression.

"You haven't fed her Edward" she stated in a shocked way, Edward never forgets to feed me unless he has something very important on his mind. I hadn't actually thought about it until now and Esme sure saw the look of appreciation on my face as she pulled out a steaming taco which sure did look good! I took it with mumbled thanks and dug in.

"Which reminds me, Bella have you given your permission for Edward to hunt tonight?"

"Sure, sure" I replied in a Jacobesque way and cringed as I thought about it.

We met Charlie, bang on time, in the cafe and explained the whole situation. Well not completely obviously seen as he doesn't know the Cullens are vampires and so cannot bear to be around human blood.

As I held out the forms for him to sign he paused, pen poised over the paper. "But Bella, you don't like the hospital. Why would you voluntarily go there?"

I was quite proud of the excuse that popped out of my mouth next. "Well you see Cha...Dad, I thought that I take so much from the hospital and its staff, I ought to put something back into, you know, the community."

"Ok Bells" he replied seeming satisfied until he transferred his gaze to Edward. "I presume HE is going with you?" he left a hint of menace in the air which I thought was rather unnecessary to my ever supportive boyfriend.

"Of course" I replied curtly.

At this Edward turned to Charlie and gave him his white teeth smile which would melt many a girls' heart. (Or dazzle me!)

We arrived at the gym at the same time as the rest of the Cullens. They too were brandishing their forms and with there arms linked, advanced forward as the crowds parted to let them through. Edward and I trailed behind more modestly as they reached the desk and stood at a jaunty, Alice like choreography, position.

"I see" said the Head. "You all wish to work under your father's supervision at the hospital? And you too Miss Swann?" as he turned his gaze towards me.

"Oh Yes please sir" Alice gushed "we would all love to pursue careers in medical science" I think she may have added a bit on but with my human ears I couldn't catch the joke that Edward and Jasper snorted at whilst Emmett and Rosalie pouted. Who knew Emmett could pout?!

"Well that seems satisfactory, I will give the hospital a ring later to let them know how many they should expect, 8 is the final count I think"

"8...?" Edward said echoing what we all were thinking "8?"

Even Alice seemed confused.

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**End Notes**

_Please Review and continue with me, thanks to all who have reviewed or favourite me!_


	4. Who ate all the pies?

**Author's notes:**

_A big thank you to 'i eat vampires for breakfast' for a great idea and thank you to everyone who has reviewed, added me to story alert or favourited me!_

**Disclaimer**

_Stephenie Meyer owns everything wonderful about twilight._

* * *

The weekend passed in a flurry of activity thanks to Alice who decided it was her job to find us all suitable designer outfits to wear to 'work'. Seen as Edward was not there to protect me as he was on a hunting trip with the 'boys' and Carlisle, Alice forced pedicure upon manicure upon facial upon me.

Rosalie found this quite funny and Esme seemed the most excited I had ever seen her. Possibly due to the fact that all her 'darlings' would be going to work and that Carlisle would be completely put out and surprised for the first time in centuries.

The Boys returned on Sunday evening looking quite pleased with themselves and Carlisle looking a bit off as he explained to us that he would have to deal with 8 imbeciles on Monday morning who would be doing work experience.

He did not fail to notice the small but subtle blush and tremor of a giggle that came from me when he mentioned this. Luckily Edward stepped in and rather embarrassingly explained that he had put his arm around me which would account for the giggling, blushing and increased heartbeat. For a moment I had thought he was going to say something worse than 'put his arm around me' but was the gentlemen as ever.

Carlisle was obviously used to my very overboard, emotional reactions and thought nothing more of it.

For all he knew Edward and I were going to work in a bookstore, Alice and Jasper (personal shopper and security guard)in the mall and Rosalie and Emmett in a garage as mechanics.

As I left the Cullen household all was well in the plan according to Alice who slipped me a completely unnecessary note telling me that basically she would be at my house at the crack of dawn.

Doesn't she have anything better to do?

Edward heard me muttering under my breath and gave a slight mischievous grin. "Well she..."

"No Edward I do not want to hear, Thank you very much" I replied quickly. Which sent him off moaning about always being able to hear such diabolical things and that it wasn't fair and they should control their thoughts.

I just nodded comfortingly and tried to look like intelligent. I have nearly perfected that look you know!

I was woken up as the birds started calling by a very loud, abrupt tap on the window just as Alice had promised she was there at the crack of dawn with armfuls of clothes and bags of makeup. Oh joy!

"I am going now" announced Edward and he left me, with her!

After Alice was finally satisfied that my makeup was perfect and I looked professional enough to work with Carlisle, she dragged me to where Edward was sitting in his Volvo with a very sympathetic expression on his face.

We arrived at the hospital in good time and parked next to the other Cullen's cars. They had still managed to beat us there despite setting off 5 minutes after us.

As we congregated in the hospitals reception we noticed a burly looking nurse heading our way. "Who ate all the pies?" Emmett whispered loudly under his breath, loud enough so that I could hear it. How thoughtful! It's nice to be included in family jokes.

She came over with a handful of contracts and proceeded to explain them in great detail to us. I signed my name knowing the others had found it acceptable and they as usual knew best. What didn't they know best at?

She then directed us to 'Dr Cullen's' office, through a couple of hundred corridors in part of the hospital that even I hadn't seen! She parted by knocking smartly on the door for us before turning away, leaving us to face his wrath ourselves, alone.

Carlisle opened the door and saw us,

We heard footsteps behind us,

"Oh God" whispered Edward,

"Oh God" murmured Carlisle,

I turned around

"Oh not him" I said,

"What is she wearing?" Alice said,

"Excellent" smiled Emmett and Rosalie together,

"Ok" nodded a calm Jasper,

"I think you had better come into my office" breathed Carlisle...

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**End Notes:**

_Shannon is cool! (Thought you might appreciate that!)_


	5. The Hospital's knocking therapist

**Authors Notes:**

_Thanks to everyone who has done something that will have alerted me of their presence (e.g. reviewed, favourited, alerted) More than 1000 people have not said anything though!_

_**Disclaimer:**_

_Stephenie Meyer is the owner of all things wonderful about Twilight._

* * *

As we drifted into Carlisle's office and seated in a formal manner, we heard a hesitant knock on the door. They had obviously not seen us or the knock would have been a lot more terrified. Wow I can tell so much from the way people knock. Maybe I should be the hospitals knocking therapist!

"You are such a twit Bella" joked Alice as she saw my plans and Edward smiled too despite having become very stressed for no apparent reason.

Carlisle answered the door. He hadn't mentioned anything about us surprising him so I take it that a very harsh punishment would be put into order.

They walked in, a lot clumsier than the way we drifted in if you ask me (but I doubt anyone will)

"Hello" Carlisle glanced down at his new sheet, feigning ignorance "Hello Mike and Jessica"

We all tried to look surprised and failed magnificently! "Take a seat you two and I shall decide where to place everyone for this week."

He looked very nervous and I presume he was waiting for Alice to come up with a suitable excuse for why we couldn't work near blood.

"Remember Carlisle, about our fear of blood if you get my drift."

Carlisle looked blank for a second then nodded as Alice added on in an undertone, "we will be safe where you put us, just don't change your mind!"

At least I think that's what she said but Edward might have edited a little, for me later, stupid vampire speaking and listening skills.

"Where would you like to work Jessica?" enquired Carlisle in his soothing voice.

Jessica had managed to calm down after the initial shock of seeing us and replied rather embarrassedly "Anywhere with Mikey is fine Doctor Cullen" What a suck up!

"Ok I think I shall place you ..." He pretended to think about it for a human second although his vampire mind had decided long ago, "Um would you like to help in the operating theatre?" and he gave us a sly sideways glance as we tried to stifle our giggles at the horrified look which had appeared on Jessica's face.

"No thank you Doctor Cullen" She stuttered.

"Obviously not a fan of blood it seems, physiotherapy?"

Jessica nodded enthusiastically fearing an alternative worse than the operating theatre.

"Ok that's settled, Physiotherapy clinic for you two" Carlisle noted.

"Jasper, Alice you next"

Alice was positively bouncing in her seat with excitement so Carlisle picked Jasper to talk, sucker!

"Well Doctor Carlisle, is there any where I can use my talent for the better?" asked Jasper, mocking poor Jessica's use of Doctor.

"Well you could work on the children's ward, I'm sure they would appreciate your talent!" replied Carlisle.

"What's his talent?" questioned Jessica.

I froze feeling sure we would be uncovered.

"He is very good with children" said Carlisle brushing the 5 scathing vampire eyes off. "Ok Alice and Jasper, children's ward then?"

Alice and Jasper nodded enthusiastically and I felt a rush of contentment. Carlisle raised his eyebrow in satisfaction, knowing Jasper would be a great help in reassuring and comforting children.

"Right, next?" Carlisle said as he turned his gaze to the immature vampire and his wife.

Rosalie started talking before Emmett gabbled excitedly "please, please, please can we work with the paramedics and ambulances?"

Carlisle pretended to mull it over. "I don't see why not, as long as you promise to be sensible."

Alice and Edward giggled but were quick to reassure Carlisle. "There will be no damages that they cannot repay!"

Mike and Jessica looked very confused and I suppose they would. Seeming as these were all 'family' jokes.

"Rosalie, do you want to?" asked Carlisle and murmured under his breath "and promise to rein Emmett in?"

"Sure thing daddio" she laughed in her cowboy accent. What a weirdo!

Why would Emmett want to work in that department anyway?

Everyone turned to me and Edward now after giving Rosalie and Emmett their mystified looks.

Everyone else's suggestions had gone down smoothly, without a hitch. What in the world were we going to choose?

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**End Notes:**

_What do you think Bella and Edward will choose? I would love to hear your suggestions. (I have my idea!)_


	6. Klingon Forehead

**A/N: **

_I am really very sorry I have not been writing but there is a whole host of excuses I could use including writers block and being quite ill and having to catch up on a load of work (boo sucks) But I'm back now, (big cheer, everybody!)_

**Disclaimer**

_Stephenie Meyer is the owner of all things wonderful about Twilight._

* * *

"Casualty, are you serious, Emmett and Rose are racing about in Ambulances, Alice and Jasper looking after cute, small people and here we are stuck in the A and E department looking at people with pencils stuck up their nose and people BLEEDING, ARE YOU MENTAL"

"No" Edward replied calmly.

*

**RPOV**

"Hell Yeah" Emmett screamed, right into my super sensitive vampire ear. I think I was beginning to regret letting Emmett have his first choice of jobs in the hospital. He wasn't even driving yet still caused drivers coming from the opposite direction to gesture in a most distinguished manner at him.

We were racing to an emergency 911 call, a lady was said to be barely conscious and bleeding heavily, well that was what the lady from the internal call centre said.

We raced up to her drive, much to the disapproval of her curtain twitching neighbours, who were tutting like this was a daily occurrence.

Emmett took the opportunity to jump from the ambulance 'cab' at the front and decided that bursting through the shiny blue door would be the best way of getting in. I trailed in his midst eying the scattered splinters with raised eyebrows; I am getting into a habit of raising my eyebrows whilst on this job, at this rate I'll look like a Klingon!

Emmett gave a yell and a paramedic rushed past me. I followed expectantly, I mean I always have to know what's going on all of the time and without a talent like Alice's, I have to use my own eyes.

I peered round the door to see a haughty looking lady with her finger poking out of a table cloth she had wrapped it in. I could only presume the blood was on one of the folds underneath, not visible at the moment. The paramedic peeled the cloth back expectantly and as in doing so, Emmett gave a hoot of laughter.

I leant forward and was shocked myself to see **nothing, nada, zilch **on her finger.

The lady had a startled look on her face and began to explain the horrors she had endured when she had acquired this paper cut to anyone who would listen, which was none of us.

Both the paramedics had black expressions and mouths like thunder as they muttered to themselves about silly jokers wasting their valuable time.

At least we learned 2 precious lessons from this call out:

1. Not to let Emmett sit in the front of the ambulance

2. Restrain Emmett when we pull up to the casualty's house

As we clambered back into the ambulance, well I floated gracefully Emmett just sort of galumphed, we received another call on the radio.

* * *

**A/N**

_I know it is really short but now I've started I will be motivated to carry on._

_Also does anyone want to read my English Homework Sherlock Holmes story because I'm quite proud of it!_


	7. Face whitening sounds

**A/N**

_For once I haven't got anything to say here! _

**Disclaimer**

_Stephenie Meyer is the owner of all things wonderful about Twilight._

* * *

**APOV**  
I gazed down in adoration at my wonderful, gorgeous husband who was chatting to the small girl lying on the bed. Jasper had wanted to work in the children's ward so all his calming and compassionate feelings could be put to good use.

I personally had wanted to work on a women's ward and give them all fashion advice on how to spruce up the hospital's grey-green gowns which are rather exposing. For some strange reason Jasper didn't want to.

So being the good wife I am I went along with his favoured option. I mean a week of looking after human children can't be that bad, can it? (Bearing in mind I can see what is going to happen. Children don't make hasty decisions, do they?)

**EPOV** _(the E) (as opposed to EmPOV)_

I looked in horror at the scene that had greeted my eyes. My darling Bella, lying in a pool of blood, unconscious.

**RPOV**

I tutted viciously, this was becoming a regular occurrence now. Stupid Emmett and his love for women in nurse's uniform. They hung onto every word he said and clung onto all parts of him. Even Edward who does have to see some quite gross things in people's minds was disgusted.

Being a paramedic meant that we got to go to most places in the hospitals with patients but visiting Edward and Bella in A and E is an hourly occurrence. Emmett certainly enjoys the teasing of Bella and the A and E nurses.

I turned to see Edward sniggering at my thoughts so shot him a look of daggers. I then saw his face contort horribly and a look of shock went across his face as he heard Bella whimper then fall to the floor into a pool of blood.

What was happening? Alice certainly hadn't mentioned this, and this was not a thing to keep from Edward.

**JPOV**

I looked at the little girl lying on the bed. She was 7 years-old and had been taken ill at boarding school. No parent had turned up so far and I had heard the matron of the boarding school say that no-one was going to turn up. I felt a wave of remorse for this little girl, and she was little, lying on the uncomfortable hospital bed with only a lone teddy to keep her company.

Most of the other children had at least one around the clock parent who stayed beside them in the ward. This girl, Florence, had none so I made it my duty to be a fatherly figure to her.

Alice obviously approved of my ideas and decided to appoint herself unofficial 'mummy' to a small boy called Pedro who had broken both his legs in a skating accident and his Mum was too busy working to keep the family's bank account afloat to stay with him.

There was a divided opinion by the nurses in the ward on me and Alice. I know that they all respect and admire me for my compassion and caring (and ability to get the children to sleep) whereas with Alice half the nurses on the receiving end of Alice's fashion tips seemed unthankful and resentful of her and her gorgeous, go me, hubby/boyfriend (to them)

Working in the children's ward we got to see quite a lot of Edward, Bella, Rosalie and Emmett due to them delivering new patients from there respectable areas to ours. Most of the children liked Emmett with his slapstick comedy whereas the Mothers dislike Rosalie for her looks but love Edward for his.

Everyone loves Bella even the oldest child on the ward, a grumpy 16 year old with attitude and spinal problems. Bella jokes with her about the regularity of her hospital visits and that if she ever did have to stay overnight it would be in the children's ward (seen as she's not yet a legal adult)

Suddenly I heard Alice gasp and a quiet, yet still recognisable whimper of pain from Bella. Alice was looking thunderous. Although she does love her sense she was complaining about the unreliability of it in hospitals due to people's sudden reactions and accidents.

I then heard the sound of Edward's face contorting, Rosalie blocking her nostrils, presumably because of blood and Emmett's face whitening. Even whilst his face is whitening, Emmett still manages to make a sound, typical!

* * *

**End notes**

_Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far. You know you want to, press the green button (in the middle) or the grey box on the left. (Green button always works for me)_


	8. Emotional Hair Stroking

**A/N:**

_It's a bit different, I hope you like where it is going at the moment!_

**Disclaimer:**

_Stephenie Meyer is the owner of all things wonderful about Twilight._

* * *

**JPOV: **  
Emmett and Rosalie turned and sprinted down the corridor, as far away from Bella's blood as possible. They had of course been trained to resist the temptation of it but with that much and Alice's misdirection's, it was probably best for them to get away.

I simply stopped breathing because although Edward and Emmett's 'therapy' sessions of trying to cure me (these basically included a load of humanistic habits, captured by photography on their phones) I still struggle and even 3 corridors away I my nose began to twitch.

Florence (the girl in my care) whom I happened to be reading to at the time looked a little surprised as 'Uncle' Jasper began to moan in despair and bite his nails in apprehension as Edward's emotions over came me.

**BPOV:**

I woke up in an unfamiliar room, surrounded by medical staff and with 2 anxious angels staring at me. Could I be in heaven?

But no the familiar beeping of my pulse on a heart rate machine and the gentle pull of the IV stuck in my hand seemed to differ with my fantasies. Indeed the angel staring at me seemed on the verge of a nervous breakdown and I was sure I had seen his face before, Of course it was Edward. He seemed surprised as I leaned forward and pointed elaborately at a girl looking very worried in nurse's uniform "Who are you?" I asked confusedly, everyone else around me seemed at least a little familiar.

"Jessica Stanley, your first best friend in Forks" She seemed confused and exchanged a glance with Edward and Carlisle.

"I don't remember you." I stated rather than questioned.

A look of astonishment dawned on Edward's face. He obviously had no more clues as to me on what was going on.

"Hmm..." Carlisle sighed and stepped aside to reveal my father, but looking much older and very concerned.

"Are you OK Bells?" This older version of Charlie asked.

"Umm..." I hesitated as Dr Cullen stepped in.

"Do you know what year we are in Bella?" He said.

"2009" I stated confidently, I distinctly remember doodling over the date in Biology whilst Edward took my notes himself by imitating my messy scrawl.

"Edward stood up and glanced at me "How do you know that?" I explained my method and looked thoughtful before firing of a round of questions.

"What is my middle name?"

"You have 2, Anthony and Masen" I smiled

He tried again "Name 3 types of onion cell"

"Prophase, Interphase, Anaphase, easy we did that together in Biology."

He suddenly looked thoughtful "Tell me about Jacob Black?"

I frowned, who was this Jacob Black guy? My face showed my comprehension of the question and Dr Cullen stepped in again. "Bella does Charlie look the same as you remember?" Charlie frowned at the mention of his first name and I turned slowly back towards Dr Cullen with a small shake of my head. "How much older does he look?" Carlisle questioned and once again Charlie frowned.

"About 3 maybe 4 years older" I replied wondering what he was getting at. Carlisle made a quick tick on his clipboard and turned to face Charlie.

"Mr Swan, it seems your daughter is suffering from select amnesia. She remembers Edward and it seems everything to do with him however no one else that she met in Forks. I will of course need to run a few more tests to determine how far back this amnesia go's and show her a few more people but there is no doubting she does have amnesia. Her memory should return eventually but in the meantime she may seem disorientated, confused and suffer from headaches. All of this is explained in this booklet" He explained before whipping out a pale blue booklet.

Charlie looked momentarily at a loss. Admittedly who wouldn't if they had just discovered their teenage daughter had tripped over in a hospital and had amnesia, and the only person she remembered was her boyfriend and people to do with him. He then regained composure and stood by my bedside stroking my hair in a fatherly, emotional way, an action very caring for Charlie.

Carlisle turned to go, but Charlie leapt up to stop him "Is there anything we can do to aid her recovery/ make it quicker?"

Carlisle pretended to consider for a moment although he had obviously thought it all through in a matter of nano-seconds "It would help her to be around those she knows" I stole a quick glance at Edward and Charlie sensing my thoughts growled.

"He will not be going anywhere near you"

Carlisle put a soothing arm on Charlie's back "It would be best for her to be around all those she loves, it would help." I felt a surge of willingness overcome me and decided that Alice must be giving Jasper updates and he was trying to be helpful. Go Jasper!

"Fine, it would probably help I suppose" Charlie admitted grudgedly "But he will be sleeping on the sofa and he can come round straight away when you are let out. I gave a squeal of delight and everyone in the room looked pretty pleased with themselves. Edward allowed in my house, to 'sleep'!

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**A/N**

_Please review, you know you love me_ _really!_ :)


	9. Infinite Monkey Theorem

**Authors Note:**

_A bit of a short chapter but it is setting the scene for the next few chapters now._

**Disclaimer:**

_Stephenie Meyer is the owner of all things wonderful about Twilight._

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**Mike's POV**

I heard from Jessica first that Bella had amnesia. That's sad I thought, but then my mind began to wonder. Maybe she wouldn't remember her past encounters with me. But then again maybe her snobby boyfriend would have told her. Admittedly I'm not sure why he would waste his 'precious' breath on telling her that. A plan started to formulate in my mind to make Bella mine, all mine mwuh huh huh huh _**(evil laugh)**_

First to get rid of that pesky boyfriend.

**EPOV**

I smiled as Mikes thoughts trailed into my brain. What a load of tosh he thinks. And me a snob, never!

Bella seemed keen to hear my sudden laughing and the thoughts behind it. I explained to her, as best you can to an amnesiotic person who has lost 2 years of memories, why she hated Mike Newton so much.

A rare smile lit up her face when I had finished explaining "So I really hate this dude?"

"Correct" I smiled back encouragingly. "What are we going to do about it then?" I asked.

"We're going to kick some Newton ass" she replied then blushed, her gorgeous blush.

We worked well into the night formulating her plan, well I did the formulating she tried to stay awake but repeatedly kept falling asleep on my chest then waking up as the hospital bed creaked uncomfortably. We finalised the details in the small hours of the morning just as Emmett showed up. We let him on it and as we finished interrupting each other he leapt up mumbling about making this revenge 'the best dang revenge ever concocted' (said in a very very bad cowboy accent)

"What was he thinking? Asked Bella tiredly. "You don't want to know" I grimaced at the thoughts that had been in his mind as he tried to keep me out. Who even knew such things were possible with a yoyo, almost as embarrassing as the time he did his high school leavers presentation on infinite monkey theorem and then broke down into stage tears half way through, ran out the room crying leaving me to pick up the pieces and finish that stupid presentation. In fact those three words make us both want to cry whenever Jasper or one of the girls mentions it. The only positive thing is that Bella doesn't know, unless Alice told her, oh crap.

I stepped out the ward door, closing it quietly, using 'human needs' as an excuse to go and pester Alice. I then laughed as a bucket began to fall on me, I caught it easily and thought of the number of brain cells there must be in Mike's head. Unfortunately a very green looking lady rushed past then seeing the bucket in my hand paused. In that time, whilst my concentration levels were low, a man walked into me, catching the rim of the bucket, tipping it over and then promptly slipping over in the mess of rotten eggs that he had just spread across the floor.

Right, this is war Newton, and I laughed as I heard a very confused shopkeeper's thoughts as he scanned Emmett's essential plan items. These were certainly going to make the Newton crackdown a lot more interesting!

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**End Note:**

_Infinite monkey theorem (we learnt about that in Maths today, look it up on wikipedia or ask me in a review.)_

_I am aiming for 50 reviews, please review and make this possible. :)_** Victoria xxx**


	10. Unnecessary Plastic Dinosaurs

**Authors note:**

_Sorry I haven't posted for some time, end of school year is always busy but as it is summer holidays I shall update more regularly! (hopefully!)_

**Disclaimer:**

_Stephenie Meyer is the owner of all things wonderful about twilight!_

**EPOV:**

50 plastic dinosaurs in assorted colours, 60 scalextric cars, 4 bumper packs of multicoloured plasticine, many buzzers and batteries and multiple lengths of copper wire and solder iron.

_The Newton Crackdown_ plan was set to go ahead this afternoon. With assistance from Rosalie we would surely be able to annoy the hell out of Mike with minimal disturbance to those around us. Can you believe that the nurses in the end had to clear up his rotten egg mess whilst they could have been assisting patients?

I smirked again as the shopkeeper asked Emmett "Is that all sir?" In a quite distant way before summoning his gawky assistant to carry some of Emmett's enormous bags that he seemed to be 'struggling' with. Well then again not many humans could carry that quantity of shopping and I doubt the shop assistant with his puny muscles was particularly helpful but at least it wasn't suspicious, which was sort of the point.

...............

Rosalie smiled as she sent the last scalextric car whizzing down the production line where Bella was sticking the dinosaurs on top using the plasticine, apparently too slowly for Jasper who was desperate to speed her up with assistance from his deft fingers, however true to form as always Bella remained obstinate and squished a green dinosaur on in a very satisfied way. Alice attached the modified buzzers and the production line came to a close, Emmett still complaining that his job, ruled to be watchman, Rosalie was too afraid he would break something. Gentle is not a look that Emmett goes for well it does have to be said!

"Ok team, Operation eat Newton is Go Go Go!" Rosalie remarked, and we all laughed as a look of shock and horror came across Bella's face. Alice tutted and told Bella 'you should have got used to all this!' causing her to blush fruitfully as we all turned towards her again.

After loading the modified cars into cardboard boxes at 'inhuman' speed we marched down the corridor much to the approval of the nurses, some of whom were getting a little flushed as we strolled by, not helped by Emmett's winking and gesturing teamed with Jasper's lustful emotions flying.

We soon reached the office where Mike was 'working' It was relatively deserted around so after handing out inconspicuous earplugs to the few younger people that were loitering in the physiotherapy outpatients block, we were ready to go.

We lined up all the cars in the corridor, all primed to go off at different times and fiendishly difficult to switch off when they did. I let Bella do the honours and she fumbled with the start button, her oversized ear defenders falling down her back as she did so. We all jumped as a shrieking wail was omitted and the car started to go mad, racing about like a mad man (or car).

In time, this starter car should bump into all the others that were strategically placed and set them off as well, the beauty of this plan was that it would only be audibly available and detectable by young ears as the sounds were too high so no-one else would be disturbed thanks to the charitable donation from us of earplugs to the young!

A second and third car started up, wailing and whizzing about with the aesthetically pleasing but not particularly necessary dinosaurs on top! The noise to teenage unprotected human ears must have been topping unbearable now and we did not want to be on the receiving end of Newton's wrath that would occur later. We made off to head away from the area.

Suddenly Alice paled; bearing in mind vampires can't, and ran into a protective stance over Bella. "I didn't realise the building was so structurally unsound..." The others looked to me for guidance but I could only stare in horror at the visibly shaking ceiling and large cracks that began to appear up the wall. An ominous creaking sound was heard...

**End Notes:**

_I actually know where this is now heading so shall try to post soonish and be amazing for once! _

_Press the Green button and type (nice or constructive criticism all will gratefully be received thank you!)_


	11. Ascertaining Emmett's Enthusiasm Injury

**Authors Note:**

_Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter and a big thank you to _wishiwasalice_ and _1Twinkletoes_ along with my favourite 16 year old (That's you _Smilie-loz-x_) love you!_

_Oh and well done Nicola xxx_

**Disclaimer:**

_Stephenie Meyer is the owner of all things wonderful about Twilight._

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**Carlisle's POV**

I glanced up from the mountainous piles of paperwork belonging to a colleague on vacation as a shrill whistling sound filled the air, beyond the pitch of normal adult hearing; it was obviously not an alarm or bell meant to mean something. It was almost like that teenage repellent that uses high frequency sounds to stop gangs congregating on street corners near shops or housing estates. The sound was monotonous, never stopping so it wasn't the clever ringtone that teachers can't here that was making it or surely it would have been stopped. For once in my life I was at a loss, not knowing what it could be. Memories of the earlier morning began to resurface and I remember all of my children wearing poker faces, unusual because there was always something going on! I was beginning to get mildly irritated now and my agitation soon showed through as one of the nurses popped her head through the door, revealing yet more of the hideous shrieking sound. She paused as I stood up and expressing a worried frown asked "Could I, Dr Carlisle hear a low rumbling sound?"

Indeed I could and it was an ominous one, travelling through the air com system. My smile wavered as a wave of panic hit me, sent from my least troublesome adopted son. I ran out the door as an almighty crash sounded and the floor below me juddered as the adjacent Physiotherapy wing began to collapse before my very eyes.

**JPOV**

Edward was instantly on alert as soon as Alice had thrown herself to shield Bella, he too joined the pile, realising that they had neither the time nor speed to get her out as the collapsing building seeing as more likely or not it would affect the surrounding wings of the hospital as well. I braced myself as the wall came down on top of us, my vision showing it all in perfect clarity. The plaster dust swirled around refusing to settle because like us, it seemed to know that the shockwaves would carry, destroying yet more of the encompassing area.

**EPOV**

It was like something out of a personal horror movie, Bella was in grave danger and I was almost powerless to protect her. There was no way we had the time nor alibis to remove her before the disaster occurred yet I was reluctant to shield her for fear of crushing her (only) human body. Yet Alice had no such premonitions and leapt on top of her gracefully, doing the best she could to cover a startled Bella with her slender pixie-like body. I decided I could probably do more good than harm and tried to protect her vital organs as Alice crouched over her head.

The shock wave hit us fall on and soon pieces of brick and plasterboard were tumbling down in large chunks. I felt Bella wince as a piece of wood cut splinters into her arm, yet that was nothing to the sounds that were coming from next door, they were horrific. As soon as we were sure it was safe to extract ourselves from the various positions we had acquired, Emmett and Jasper bravely waded through the fallen material to reach the collapsed office whilst Alice and I tended to Bella, quickly ascertaining that the only injured part of her was a possibly broken wrist that Emmett may or may not have squashed in his enthusiasm and adrenaline filled state earlier.

After I was confident that I had made a complete analysis, I left Bella in Alice's capable hands and went to help the boys. The area was full of swarming dust and debris cluttered the obliterated office but a figure was just visible, hunched over the desk. Jasper and Emmett were moving the wreckage, careful not to disturb the body. Knowing I was the most competent first-aider until Carlisle arrived, and frankly this would be soon as he would know what the scale of destruction amounted to but then again he was restricted by human speeds, evacuations and corridors, I began to tend to it with the best of my ability knowing that his stage was critical. The stench of blood was almost unbearable but, thanks to Bella, my medical mind and having hunted recently, it was tolerable. I was fairing somewhat better than Jasper though who was trying to shock himself into submission by remembering certain things that were not helping me whilst I tended to the casualty.

A blank patch appeared in my thoughts and I smiled up at Bella, standing in the half formed doorway, who was wearing a shocked expression on her beautiful face. "That's Mike isn't it?"

I glanced down at the body in my hands, displaying signs of a weak heartbeat, major bleeding and shock. He was barely recognisable yet it was indeed Mike Newton. "Yes" I agreed

"He's not dead is he?" She asked as tears dribbled down her face.

"Not yet" Jasper replied then immediately regretted it as he realised that to be the wrong thing to say as her face crumpled and she buried her head on Alice's shoulder, careful to avoid moving her wrist. (Un) fortunately he was saved from Alice's glare and 'Nice one, bro' from those around me by the arrival of Carlisle.

Clambering over the detritus, Carlisle assessed the patient and sent the next doctor on the scene for the paramedics claiming that they were more experienced at difficult retrievals like this over remains of shells of buildings, whereas we all knew that Carlisle was perfectly capable by himself yet could of course not show this to the other hospital staff.

As the paramedics and more doctors arrived, they began to insist that the rest of us were checked over. Bella allowed herself to be led away gratefully. I knew that her wrist was obviously agony let alone the emotional stress from seeing Mike hurt like that. Fortunately he seemed to be the only serious injury as most people had time to escape before the walls had toppled like dominoes in the almost empty part of the hospital.

Carlisle began to speak like a doctor. "The casualty is in a critical but stable condition, no drugs or fluids have been administered yet but I think hooking him up to a heart rate monitor would be wise due to a weak beat being present."

All the doctors obeyed without hesitation or question, they all respected and trusted his decisions too much. No sooner as he had uttered the words, the monitor was produced and after being loaded onto a trolley, Mike was wired up and wheeled away into intensive care. I trailed behind belatedly, listening to the weak but steady beat until it was gone. It was gone, Oh My Goodness...

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_**End Note**_

_I didn't think Edward would say OMG so made it a tad more formal! :)_

_Can I have more than 60 reviews please because otherwise I owe my best friend a small hedgehog for a week! (Even if it's just a word of exclamation also constructive criticism is gratefully received!)_


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